Photo Talk

I have written for club magazines over a long period. I'm helping with a magazine now, and will post the articles.

TEN THINGS YOU'D RATHER NOT HEAR IN A CAMERA SHOP

1. No, not actually in stock, but I might be able to get you one down by courier next week.
2. The one they sold you doesn't fit that model; you have to use one of these.
3. Yes, that's the price of the camera itself, but you'll also need….
4. Actually, the machine broke down while we were processing your films
5. The Pratflex is better because of its double-synchronised hyperframis, and you can use multi-mode twelve-segment evaluative blur suppression-but only with turbo-curtain synch flash integration . . .
6. I know we've got batteries for that model camera somewhere, but they might be a bit old.
7. What shots were on the film, and when did you bring it in?
8. Sorry, the EFTPOS machine won't accept your card.
9. You want what size film?
10. There's a $50 service fee plus courier for having the camera looked at, and it'll probably cost you another $700 to fix it.

TEN THINGS WE'VE ALL DONE

1. Left the camera behind in the car when something exciting suddenly happened.
2. Left the camera bag on the car seat in the summer sun for hours.
3. Forgot to check the flashgun batteries.
4. Taken the best shots of a lifetime with no film in the camera.
5. Forgot the camera was loaded and opened the back.
6. Didn't load the film properly but took 36 unrepeatable pictures.
7. Got two films mixed up, and processed the unexposed one.
8. Dropped a lens while swapping it over for another.
9. Indulged yourself with an expensive accessory which has only ever been used once.
10. Taken a roll of 800 ISO with the camera set for 25 ISO.

If there's anything that you would like to comment on, your contributions -- or just a hello email -- are welcome. Click here to start email.